Still Not Wanting to Forget 1 // I Owed You

Late. She was still late in the end.

Even though she estimated the right time before leaving, she still didn’t make it on time. When Si Nian entered the studio, everything was ready to go. Cheng Chen was talking to the spokesperson.

The product of their commercial was crisps. He even purposely tasted a few slices to demonstrate the expression he wanted while eating.

The two of them seemed to know each other. After a few sentences, they began to flirtatiously eat each other’s crisps while chatting.

Ah Wen’s net worth rose incredibly in the past few years. Filming just one commercial can rake in ten million. Naturally her temper and attitude also rose. Once, a director she worked with wanted her to make a jumping movement. Her face immediately darkened and told him that doing such things didn’t suit her professional image.

Look at her now. She looked just like a friendly girl-next-door.

She predicted that if Ah Wen was asked to climb a bamboo tree, she would just agree happily.

“A famous reputation is truly useful,” an assistant lamented beside her. “Chen Wen is notoriously difficult to work with. Look at her today, she’s being so cooperative.”

Si Nian kept quiet, so the assistant curiously asked, “Miss jie, they look like they’re very close. Do you think they are involved in a scandal?”

She merely smiled, pointing at her throat.

The assistant suddenly said, “It’s still not cured? Didn’t you eat the lozenges?”

… throat lozenges were not medicine. The assistant had the eating-Chengdao-brand-lozenges-is-the-definite-cure look, so she decided to remain silent.

Therefore, since 7 am this Saturday, she stood around the studio, pretending to be sick as she watched Cheng Chen do his work.

She must admit that his fame was not undeserved.

For a director like him, it was likely he was helping a friend to take over the commercial. He could also earn some side income in the meantime. He was obviously patient from the way he explained to Chen Wen over and over again, even to the point of taking notice of the extras. He was also meticulous, paying attention to every scene.

Currently he was sitting in his chair, with one hand holding the script and his eyes focused on the scene unfolding in the monitor.

His eyebrows were lightly creased. It was a scene that Si Nian was so familiar with.

When Chen Wen was about to eat her 107th crisp, the crisp fell. Cheng Chen’s eyes were still glued on the monitor. He said, “Your expression is getting more and more rigid. You must imagine the feeling of first love.” He paused for a moment before continuing, “You don’t have any experience so you’re nervous. You’re careful and nervous but you’re also hopeful, no matter if it’s bitter or sweet.”

He said this in all seriousness. Beside him, the producer raised an eyebrow.

Si Nian glanced at Cheng Chen with guilt.

Whose bullshit creativity is this? Why must it be themed first love?

The past few days, she felt wronged. Wasn’t it simply her ignorant, frivolous feelings when she was young?

In her heart, two voices appeared, each occupying high ground and desperately arguing. The first voice asked her to just accept it. They were both adults, no one will care about what happened in their teenage years. The second voice resisted, insisting that it cannot be accepted, that it was way too awkward. People who don’t understand will think that she was clinging onto her first love who ended up being rich.

If he was just an average white-collar worker, working hard to pay off mortgage, she would be very calm and reveal her identity. She would invite him to a somewhat atmospheric cafe and explain to him what happened in the past.

Both of them would probably chuckle over the past, laughing it off.

But why was it that they met each other when he was rich and successful? He was even in the same field of work as hers, with such remarkable performance.

Didn’t people say that first loves will definitely be disillusioned?

Why did such law did not apply to her, and instead was reversed?

The more she thought about this, the more she felt distressed. She didn’t think she did anything, she was merely complaining in her heart. But for no apparent reason, Cheng Chen turned around to look at her. She was stunned. She quickly adjusted her gaze, pretending to be looking at the monitor.

Cheng Chen simply picked up a bottle and took a mouthful of water, asking, “What do you think?”

He was asking her.

Coincidentally the scene had just finished filming. The lighting team was rushing in to start preparing for the next scene.

The producer who was standing in between them thought that Cheng Chen was asking him and kept on praising that it was perfect. Only after he said ‘perfect’ for the third time, did he realised he jumped the gun.

Si Nian initially wondered why the producer was suddenly interrupting their conversation but decided she wanted to take advantage of the situation to keep on pretending. She didn’t think his eyes would be so focused on her, as if he really cared about her opinion.

Without a way out, she only made an OK gesture.

She immediately pulled out the little metal tin and ate a lozenge.

The studio was like a time blackhole. Sunrise and sunset cannot be seen here. Naturally no one paid attention to the time.

It was only when the assistants brought in lunch, did everyone in the studio noticed it was already afternoon. The production company specifically prepared a room for Chen Wen because she was such a huge star, but she was exceptionally friendly and ate with everyone in the common room. She was even generous enough to allow her assistant to distribute the supplements to the staff.

Some people idly chatted. Suddenly remembering something, the producer pointed at Si Nian and said, “Miss, you have several positions, you’re also a screenwriter. Perhaps in the future we might have the chance to work together in a drama or film.”

She was done…

Si Nian’s heart was dripping blood, but she raised her head and smiled.

The days of pretending to be a mute were seriously difficult. Thankfully commercials were short-term projects. Only one day was needed for the filming.

After today, she would be liberated.

She used her chopsticks to carefully peel away the skin of the chicken, then the fish. This was a craft she had practiced for twenty-some years and was very familiar with. To others, she looked like a picky eater but to her, it was a good method of calming herself. She really wanted the hour to pass, for everyone to continue their work, so she didn’t have to be on pins and needles.

Cheng Wen, who started out as a singer, could never resist mentioning music.

Even though Cheng Chen only occasionally talked, he unexpectedly paid attention.

“When I was younger and in a band, I liked Nirvana the most. Too bad they were disbanded,” Chen Wen lamented. She then asked Cheng Chen, “Director Cheng, whose songs do you like?”

“Faye Wong,” he thoughtfully answered. “The song I’m Willing.”

“I’m Willing?”

The familiar melody played out in Si Nian’s mind. Longing [Si Nian] is a very obscure thing, like shadow that takes the shape of whatever.

She was sipping soup when she heard that and successfully scalded her tongue.

Since she was young, her name was always ridiculed by others.

She would be furious whenever anyone tried to make a pun of her name, except for when she was together with him. Whenever she was sulking alone, without exception he would always send her all sorts of lyrics with the word ‘longing’ in it through QQ. Seeing those butchered lyrics never failed to appease her anger.

She was being narcissistic.

Could it be that the rainy season sparked her to be literary and sentimental?

She finished the ribs in the soup, eating so cleanly that there was no meat left on the bones. She spat it onto the table, before continuing eating.

The south barely entered the rainy season, so rain was still sparse. When someone mentioned that it was raining around 4 pm, she was still not too concerned. She didn’t expect that after filming wrapped up, the rain would flow like a river. Even if she used an umbrella, she would definitely not be able to get a taxi.

People in the studio were cleaning up. Most who owned cars had already left.

She usually traveled by taxi and it was quite convenient, but if she encountered rain or snow she could only look onto the sky helplessly.

“Did you drive here?” someone behind her asked. “Where did you parked it?”

She solemnly said, “I took a taxi here. But looking at the situation, I think I can only get a taxi after the rain calms down a little.”

After she finished talking, she turned around.

The world went completely quiet.

The loudness of rain falling, people undressing their shirts to cover their heads and rushing to the parking lot, people continually bidding farewell, people discussing tomorrow’s schedule. Yet Cheng Chen was standing behind her, only a few steps away, as if he was also waiting for the rain to stop.

When he saw that Si Nian was also looking at him, he smiled. “I also didn’t drive.”

From their eyes to their expression, there was nothing similar.

Si Nian made an “oh” sound, turned around to continue staring at the rain. It turned out that he no longer remembered her. There was relief but also disappointment. Perhaps everyone had a similar fantasy, that after meeting a former lover many years later, they would find out that in their former lover’s heart, their presence was irreplaceable, that they were the one the former lover loved the most and perhaps still love.

People departed until only an empty studio remained. There were only two of them at the door.

The producer saw them while leaving and immediately understood. “It isn’t that convenient to take a taxi in such heavy rain. You guys wait for a moment, I’ll get someone to fetch you.” He took out his phone and dialled a number.

Cheng Chen removed his glasses, drying the water on the lens. “You’re still so picky with your food after so many years.”

Si Nian subconsciously made a sound of agreement. After digesting his words, she became shocked.

[artwork by Maria Nguyen]