Suddenly, This Summer 11 // The Most Romantic Thing

On Friday, the afternoon classes were cancelled. Everyone was assigned to a school-wide clean-up.

He Luo was responsible for cleaning the glass covering the bulletin board in the hallway. As she was cleaning, Tian Xin ran over to her waving frantically. “This is bad, this is bad!”

“Don’t wave. Aren’t you responsible for cleaning the mops? So frantic.”

“You’re still so calm! Your Zhang Yuan is seducing young girls on the field!” Tian Xin stomped her feet. “Go and see, go and see!”

“You’re kidding!” Li Yun Wei who was wiping the door frame immediately went over to them. “Even if I lend him ten people’s worth of guts, he won’t dare to do it!”

“Go and see, and then you’ll know.” Tian Xin stopped explaining herself and dragged the two of them as she ran back to the field.

Zhang Yuan was half kneeling under a large elm tree, watching a four-five years old girl as she bounced happily.

“The chemistry teacher went off to the weekend meeting and made me babysit her child.” Zhang Yuan smiled helplessly. “Originally Zhao Cheng Jie was the chemistry subject representative but Le Le ran away once she saw him.”

“That’s for sure. Don’t assume that because she’s still young, she can’t differentiate between a handsome man and a beast.” Tian Xin stared at Zhao Cheng Jie, grinning teasingly. Lifting a large broom, he ran over.

Le Le was carrying a small basket. Inside was a bag of shrimp snacks. Zhang Yuan extended his hand inside and grabbed one.

“Hey, why are you eating a young kid’s food?” He Luo said.

“She’s treating me, isn’t that right, Le Le.” Zhang Yuan pointed at He Luo. “Go and share some with Jie Jie [sister]. She’s craving for it.”

The group of guys on the basketball team had also came over to cool down under the shade of another tree near them. Someone asked, “Zhang Yuan, is this your house’s young lady?”

“See closely, how does she resemble me?” Zhang Yuan shouted back. Glancing at He Luo, he quietly whispered, “Unless she looks like you?”

He Luo felt both annoyed and tickled. Her face suddenly felt warm and she replied, “Feel free to be crazy here all by yourself, I have to go back and clean my glass.”

“You can clean the bottom part of the glass, leave the upper part where you can’t reach to me,” he said.

“Huh, it turns out to be a kindergarten-aged young girl.” Li Yun Wei complained, “Tian Xin, you’re really too good at shouting nonsense.”

“It’s so heart-warming! Don’t you feel so?” Tian Xin smiled mischievously. “Especially when He Luo is standing beside them.”

He Luo smacked Tian Xin’s forehead. “Since when am I that old!”

“Look, He Luo is now more talkative compared to before,” Li Yun Wei said. “The proximity to ink makes you black [different environments exerts a different influence to a character].”

“Think about it. If you two have a baby in the future, it would be way cuter than Le Le.” Tian Xin’s face was entirely lit. “Have you never thought about it, to be a family in the future with a little baby?”

“You’re insane.” He Luo feigned anger, her cheeks felt hot. Looking up, she noticed how the light spilled from the gaps in the tree shade. Zhang Yuan was squatting near her without care. Le Le was hitting the water with her tiny fist as he pretended to look afraid, pulling very exaggerated expressions. He looked even more like an overgrown child.

The rustling leaves, the scent of the tree, they all carried the warmth of summer. The fragrant afternoon gave He Luo an inexplicable sense of melancholy and she quietly let out a sigh.

“The future is too far away,” she said.

“I only told you to think about it! Unless you’re really desperate to get it over with?” Tian Xin’s entire face was filled with mirth.

“Oh right, this reminds me of the psychology test on the paper today!” Li Yun Wei cried. “It tests your attitude towards marriage. Hurry, let’s go and check it out!”

*

“Test your attitude towards marriage through love. Please choose what is the most romantic kind of love in your mind: A) falling in love at first sight, an unforgettable love, B) a preserving love through the [eight] years, C) a love that survives the distance, that you will go to the end of earth with, D) a [one-sided] deep longing, a love so great you will never love another.” After Li Yun Wei finished reciting, she rushed the others. “Hurry and tell me what you have chosen.”

“If it’s romantic, of course it’s A!” Tian Xin replied. “He Luo would probably choose B, right? If you two get married after graduate school, if we count from now, it would exactly be 8 years.”

“If you choose A, that means you can tolerate your other half secretly longing for another person. Your marriage is innocent and comfortable. As long as you are both a married couple in name, you will be very tolerating of him,” Li Yun Wei recited.

“Eh, what’s that about! If my husband dares to cheat, I will shoot him! I will have my dad shoot him!” Tian Xin’s father was the chief of staff in the army.

“If you choose B, you are an absolute advocator of love. But your idea of marriage is quite dangerous because once your love towards each other have cooled, you are unable to live a rational life with your other half. You will keep on looking for something that can give you solace and that will be the reason that makes your marriage fail.”

“Wow, a platonic affair.” Tian Xin looked worried. “A woman having an emotional affair is more troublesome than a physical affair.”

“That’s true, but I didn’t choose B.” After some thought, He Luo chose, “D.”

“You’re deeply afraid of marriage. It’s not that you resent commitment but that you’re unable to believe that marriage can bring you any kind of promise. You carry with you a ton of anxiety, you’re afraid of being hurt, you’re prejudiced against marriage, there are gaps in your personality that is unfilled.” Li Yun Wei threw the newspaper aside. “Nonsense. It doesn’t sound like you at all. You have anxiety? In my opinion, you’re just this much away from etching the words ‘blissful’ on your forehead.”

He Luo smiled wryly. It appeared that whoever who thought that longing for someone from afar had some kind of personality defect. Then, what kind of love should be considered the most romantic? Cyndi Chao made an appropriate point in her song: The most romantic thing that I can think of is growing old with you.

She spent the entire afternoon feeling muddleheaded. When everyone else went out to play after cleaning up, she only waved and slumped over the desk, lazily watching the blue skies outside the window. If it was possible, she really did not want to think or analyse anything.

Zhang Yuan asked Li Yun Wei. “What’s wrong with He Luo? Is she unwell?”

“Why don’t you ask yourself?” Li Yun Wei asked.

“Could it be that because she didn’t eat much, she’s having gastric pain.” Zhang Yuan knocked on the desk. “Go and take a look, isn’t that your close sister?”

“You actually dare to order me around? Isn’t that your girlfriend?” Li Yun Wei laughed.

“I’m afraid that it’s not gastric pain!” Zhang Yuan didn’t know how to explain himself. “There are something, you know, that boys shouldn’t ask, isn’t that right?”

Li Yun Wei went to check on He Luo with a smile, patting her. She repeated the conversation she had with Zhang Yuan earlier to her and added, “Look how considerate he is of you! Turn around and see, my seatmate is feeling embarrassed.”

Zhao Cheng Jie and Gao Fang went over to grab Zhang Yuan. “Let’s go and play, let’s go and play. Some boys from class 5 refuses to accept their loss, they want a rematch with us!”

“Who is unsatisfied?”

“Da Zhuang [lit. big and strong]! The one who always want to fight you one on one.”

“Oh, the one who is especially arrogant while playing, the one who is constantly slam dunking!” Zhang Yuan stood up, miming the act of slam dunking. “Let’s go, who’s afraid of who!” He took off his shirt, revealing a white t-shirt instead, and put on a basketball jacket over it. From inside the drawer, he took out a black Nike wristband.

He Luo was resting her head on folded arms. She glanced at him. He appeared a rather strong boy, forever vibrant and energetic. His features were more defined from when he was in the first year, his shoulders also appeared to wider.

She didn’t want to leave even for a moment, she wanted to be by his side every day. She wanted to grow up together, and grow old together. His every expression, his every action, she didn’t want to miss anything.

“Are you okay? Do you want me to send you home first?” Before he left the classroom, Zhang Yuan walked over to her seat.

“I’m fine, just a little sleepy.” She gave a weary smile. “I’ll wait for you.”

“Then just stay here. It’s quite hot outside, just sleep here for a moment.” Zhang Yuan grabbed his basketball with just his index fingers. “Look, I’m good, aren’t I!”

“Yes, yes, you’re a master.” He Luo stuck her tongue out.

The wind flew inside the classroom, the pages of the books fluttered, someone’s calculation papers were scattered everywhere. After the papers settled on the floor, Zhang Yuan’s figure became only a narrow line, his silhouette hidden. The youth back then all had inexplicable courage, they were never afraid of that distance will neutralise feelings. They could even sing determinedly: “If the heart knows the direction, fear not that two people who love each other would separate.”

17-year-old He Luo only feared not being able to see him every day. That was all.

*

“I don’t want to apply for Wellesley,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Why not?” Dad asked. “Are you still worried you won’t be able to adapt yourself overseas?”

“I just don’t want to go. And I’m reluctant to leave my friends here.”

“You can make new friends,” Mom retorted.

“But didn’t you all said that the friendship at this age is most innocent? I don’t want to go on my own to such a faraway place, and there’s such a large cultural gap, how can I make new friends?”

“Is this your honest feelings?” Dad’s expression was serious. “Or is there another a reason?”

“N-No…” she stuttered slightly. After all she was not a child used to lying.

“All this while you’re someone who enjoys walking around and exploring. Weren’t you envious that uncle was a diplomat?” Mom said, “You can’t sacrifice your own dreams just for other people.”

He Luo was felt both guilty and confused. Clenching her fist, she forced herself to look calm. “And what dreams did I sacrifice for other people?”

“Weren’t you determined to enter the arts stream back then?” Mom accidentally said in the heat of discussion. She noticed her husband desperately winking at her, motioning for her not to speak anymore. But those words were already said.

How did you two know? How did you two know! This was something He Luo never mentioned to anyone, including Tian Xin, Bai Lian, and Li Yun Wei. Not even Zhang Yuan knew. She felt momentarily dizzy but recovered, determined to get the truth from her mother. “Who said I entered the arts stream for someone else? Who said that?”

“We only guessed. You changed your mind too quickly,” Dad explained.

“To confirm your hunch, you read my diary, didn’t you?”

Silence. They actually didn’t refute.

He Luo only felt like crying at that moment. She was always proud to flaunt her parents as liberals but they actually violated her privacy.

“Therefore you wanted me to go to America because you didn’t want us to be together, is that correct?”

“We did this for you, we don’t want you to be wronged.” Mom held onto He Luo’s hand.

Ah, from the way they appeared calm and spoke as if they did nothing wrong, they did not have any inclination to apologise. He Luo angrily removed her hand. “And you think I don’t feel wronged when you read my diary?”

Dad said, “That’s not the point. The main point is that you can’t base a decision [choice] that will affect your whole life on one boy.”

Violating my privacy, that is not the point? And how did you know that this boy is not my choice that will affect my entire life? He Luo was both angry and embarrassed, no matter what she was unable to say such words.

Mom thought her daughter was considering their words and immediately tried to guide her, “You’re all romantics at this age. Perhaps because a boy is somewhat good-looking, or that he plays basketball, or sang a song, you will have a deep impression of him. You will not consider your future at all. You’re all just kids, how well do you know each other? How many of you will last until the end? It’s more important to be determined about your own choices. This is just like when I was working at the factory…”

He Luo knew her mother was about to repeat her bittersweet memory once again and interrupted forcefully. “Back then you have a lot of suitors but none of them have any potential, is that correct? Therefore, you keep on waiting until someone introduced dad to you. Do you like him as a person or do you like his college degree?”

In a flash, the three of them looked green with embarrassment and awkwardness.

Mom took her hand away and left. “I can’t talk you over.”

Dad said, “Hurry and apologise to your mom.”

“What did I do wrong?” He Luo’s neck was strained, looking away refusing to let her tears fall.

Originally she wanted to convince her parents with honeyed words, hugging them and being cute with them, waiting for their resolve to weaken before going for the kill. She didn’t expect the topic of her diary to come up, and for her to carry the crime of dating early. He Luo was endlessly frustrated.

This is it. Mom and dad are going to force me onto the plane, she thought.

*

“I’m going to America,” He Luo told Zhang Yuan.

“That’s great! Will you pass by Chicago? Remember to bring me Jordan souvenirs!” He laughed. “Will you go this summer break? Are you going with your uncle?’

You still have the mood to joke.

“No, next year.” He Luo lowered her head. “I’m going there for university.”

“Oh.”

“Wellesley College, the campus that Bing Xin and Soong sisters studied in.” He Luo briefly explained her circumstances, leaving out the part where her parents looked at her diary and found out about them. She did not want to air her family’s dirty laundry.

Zhang Yuan smiled. “Isn’t your dad raising you up to be the mother of the country? Then the pressure on me is too great.”

He Luo rolled her eyes at him. Inside she thought, they don’t even want us to be together.

“Four years. If I’m going, I will be in America for at least four years,” she said. “What happens to us?”

“What happens…” Zhang Yuan stared intently into her eyes. “What about this, let’s just elope!”

“Stop joking around! I’m being serious!” He Luo angrily pinched him.

“Then, what do you think?” Zhang Yuan stopped smiling. “It’s your own matter, you have to decide on your own.”

“Are you that happy to see me leave? Then whatever Qing Yin, Zhong Yin, all those girls can come and see you?” She kept on pinching him.

“You… you’re really energetic.” Zhang Yuan breathed out. “I’m also feeling very conflicted. You understand, don’t you? Honestly, if you don’t have me, would you go?”

He Luo pondered over this and nodded.

“You will go very happily? You will be very excited to go?”

She nodded again.

“It’s your dream, isn’t it,” Zhang Yuan said.

“No. Because it’s such a happy dream, I never dared to consider it at all,” He Luo replied. “I thought only girls from well-to-do families are allowed to go.”

“Then, if I cling onto you and told you not go, would that be too selfish of me?”

Don’t stare at me like that! Don’t be a gentleman at this moment, please!

He Luo avoided his piercing gaze. Just open your mouth and tell me to stay. As long as you ask me to stay, I will not leave. Don’t make me ask you to beg me to stay. The more she thought about it, the unhappier she felt. “Then I’ll just go, maybe I could be the second Bing Xin.”

Zhang Yuan said, “If you want to become the second Bing Xin, you should have stayed in the arts stream.”

Once again, those words made her remember of the sad memories. Only a simple sentence, yet it carried a hint of sarcasm.

“That was totally two different things!” she retorted sullenly. “Going overseas is just going overseas, I will become a naturalised citizen and then send for my parents.”

“Then that’s good, you will be achieving a dream many are unable to realise.” Even as he said this, he was still smiling.

[artwork by Judit Garcia-Talavera]