Zhang Yuan didn’t attend classes this morning. One English listening class, another a linear algebra class. The former was because he overslept and the latter was because of the professor’s inarticulate speech. The way he lectured was confusing and long-winded. After careful inspection of the class material, Zhang Yuan noticed that the professor was reading word for word from the notes. He might as well just read the notes himself then.
Sadly the professor was also the most passionate out of all his lecturers. The students who sat in the first row wanted nothing more than to close their books and stop listening but they wasn’t able to under the professor’s watchful eyes. At the end of class, there were boys who ran over to the first row and teased them. “Come, let me look at your faces and see if they’re wet.”
“On stage it’s a fairy, below the stage it’s a bunch of idiots,” Ah Xiang Po mocked. He wore a coat and hid a steamed bread underneath. For every bite he took, he poured his favourite chili sauce on it.
It was a pleasant surprise for the university freshmen to know attendance wasn’t mandatory. They became obsessed with the feeling of being a “fugitive” and after discovering no one would investigate their disappearance, it soon became a trend.
Even without classes, it wasn’t like Zhang Yuan had nothing to do. After finishing his classwork, he dragged Ah Xiang Po to take pictures of snow that He Luo wanted. As he was waiting for the films to be developed in campus, he deliberated for a moment before buying a calling card worth 20 yuan.
Since a long distance call in daytime cost full price, the phone booth in the afternoon was empty as the crowd poured into the canteen for lunch. Over the line, it was also noisy with the sound of girls chattering. Their voices were high-pitched, like a group of happy birds. Amidst the sound of laughter and footsteps, Zhang Yuan tried to look for He Luo’s. While waiting to hear her voice, even one minute felt too long. He suddenly felt unsure of himself. He didn’t know how to begin a conversation with her. If the dorm warden tells him she wasn’t around, he would feel relieved.
He felt this contradiction keenly. On the phone, his heartbeats were louder than ever.
He heard the sounds of quick footsteps and then He Luo’s breathless voice. “Hello. Who is it?”
“It’s me.” He tried to calm himself down and make himself sound more cheerful.
“En… you’re pretty busy lately.” The end of her sentence sounded unnaturally high.
“So-so. You must be angry.”
“Angry?”
“En.”
“I was busy too. I had midterms in the past two weeks,” He Luo replied. “I was so busy I didn’t have the time to be angry. Who said I’m angry anyway?” She smiled. A little reluctantly, she added, “Do you blame me?” Her tone made her sound like a child who had just made a mistake.
“No. I blame myself.” Even his relief sounded strained.
“If you’re unhappy about anything, tell me. Don’t keep it to yourself.” He Luo twisted the phone cord with her finger, wanting to touch his sigh if she could.
“I will. Don’t worry about it,” Zhang Yuan replied. “There are some words that I say casually, and some words that you should just listen to casually. Don’t think about it too much.”
A 20 yuan calling card can only buy them about 10 minutes of talk time. Even after the call disconnected, He Luo was still reluctant to put down the phone.
Beijing was surprisingly cold in November, already reaching -10 degree. But the cold weather didn’t dampened the spirits of the students who were eager to see the meteor shower that comes only once every 33 years. The university had even arranged for two school buses to take the students to the suburbs for better viewing. Tian Xin was envious when she heard and decided to join them. She told He Luo, “Your university is so considerate.”
“Much thanks,” Shen Lie said. “Students’ praise is the biggest affirmation of our work.”
“She doesn’t even go to our university.” He Luo smiled.
“You’re lowering your standards too much! Serving the people is a never ending job.”
“This classmate of yours jokes a lot and acts quite familiarly. He’s a typical Beijing boy, very talkative,” Tian Xin whispered to He Luo, “Good thing he’s refreshing and bright. Unlike the smooth-talking and sloppy Beijing kid from my class.”
“You’re always quick to stereotype an entire group of people.” He Luo laughed. “Ah, since you have such a good impression of Shen Lie, why don’t I introduce him to you?”
“Okay, okay!” Tian Xin nodded. “Right. I have something to ask you. If a guy likes a girl, will he actively pursue her? Or will he play hard to get?”
“That depends on his character, how much he likes the girl, and the external factors that influence him. It’s hard to say.” She widened her eyes. “Is someone pursuing you? Or… the person you like isn’t pursuing you, so you want to know how he feels?”
“Sharp! I just know you’re an expert at love. One day I’ll take you to see him.” Tian Xin giggled. “Couples like you are rare, to like each other as naturally as breathing.”
He Luo reached out to poke Tian Xin where she was most sensitive. Tian Xin grinned as she avoided her hands. “No, for real. Tell me how you guys end up falling for each other [seeing eye to eye]. Teach me some of your experience.”
“We didn’t meet eyes at all initially. Whenever he looks at me, I would look away. Zhang Yuan says he finds me a reserved person, that’s why he’s curious and wants to look closer. When he looks at me, I hide. Over and over.” He Luo turned her head to demonstrate how she hid from Zhang Yuan in the past.
“You’re fishing for his attention,” Tian Xin marveled. “And here I thought you’re a serious and proper person, turns out you’re a killer at attracting young men.”
“Where…” He Luo hurried to defend herself. “Back then I was feeling guilty. I thought he caught me staring at him, I was so afraid.” She patted her chest a few times.
“Ah, so you had a crush on him! Hurry up and confess, since when did it started? Since the basketball contest?” The truth dawned on Tian Xin. “That’s why I was wondering why he kept on using you for demonstration and being all touchy-feely.”
“Why did you make it sound so awful? He just touched my hand.” It seemed like she still had to withold some truths from this gossip queen.
“So we’re the decoy for your love games! Isn’t it enough to just hold hands? If we’re not around, what will the consequences be!”
He Luo pinched Tian Xin and the two friends fell over laughing at their high school memories. With some regret, Tian Xin said, “You two have the same kind of thoughts, it really makes me envious.” Holding He Luo’s hand, she continued, “It’s really not easy to come all the way here. Even if it’s difficult now, it’ll pass. In just three years, you can be together again either as workers or graduate students. Isn’t that good?”
“Why are you suddenly so realistic?”
“Zhang Yuan emailed me and asked if you’re unhappy,” Tian Xin replied. “I know I shouldn’t disclose his email but I’m worried about you two. The other day, you told me you haven’t contacted each other in two weeks. I thought you just had a quarrel. But only after you analysed your situation with me, that I realised you didn’t say anything to make him ask me such a thing. You told me you two reconciled but I feel like you’re just pretending everything is fine.”
She continued, “If you’re having contradictions, then argue about it. If you miss each other, say it out loud. Is that very difficult?”
“... you’re not at all immature,” He Luo said. “They keep calling you a child.”
“I’m really a child. It’s nice to be a kid, they’re simple and cute.” Tian Xin bit her lips. “You two simply have too good of a relationship so you’re looking for something to fight about. You’re both masters trading blows, fighting for the kill.”
He Luo smiled. “Yes, we’re looking trouble for ourselves.”
“Exactly! I told Zhang Yuan to clear things up with you but he calls me a busybody. God, why am I even looking trouble for myself?” Tian Xin rolled her eyes. “If it’s not for the fact that I’ve watched you two get together from back then and has even become our representative couple, I wouldn’t even bother.”
They boarded the bus at midnight, only reaching their destination at two. The students were thoroughly frozen. One of them initiated a bonfire and, after burning the nearby scattered branches, they began turning to the books that can be temporarily disposed.
“Knowledge is power. Knowledge is life.” Tian Xin rubbed her hands for warmth. Her teeth were chattering. “Classmate Shen Lie, do you still have knowledge over there?”
“No knowledge, but there are some toilet paper.” He took out a roll.
“No. How long can that burn?” He Luo stopped them. “Let’s keep it to wipe our snot.”
“Why isn’t the meteor shower coming? Any later and I’ll hold the meteorology department responsible.” Shen Lie said, “Hey, let me tell you a joke about toilet paper. Heard of it?”
Sweet and warm dialogue sprang up.
He Luo pulled her clothes closer to her body. The meteor was nowhere to be seen but she had already made her wish.
The night sky was quiet, even more profound than a summer night.
In her memories, the cries of frogs penetrated through the silence.
*
Seeing one meteor was enough. One meteor for one wish. That was Zhang Yuan’s wish.
“Ah, meteor!” Zhang Wei Rui jumped and yelled as she pointed at the bright spot trickling past the night canvas.
“That’s a plane…” Ah Xiang Po mercilessly pointed out. He turned to Zhu Ning Li and said, “Look at your hometown friend. Since she’s wearing so little, the cold has frozen her brain.”
“Aiya, it really does like a meteor.” Zhang Wei Rui laughed. Her ears and nose were red.
Zhu Ning Li handed over her hat and said, “I’m wearing more clothes than you.”
“No, what are you doing?” Zhang Wei Rui asked. As the two jostled over the piece of clothing, the first meteor flew across the sky, prompting the onlookers to cheer and cry.
The meteor shower wasn’t as vibrant and plentiful like a firework show.
Zhang Yuan took off his scarf and stuffed it into Zhang Wei Rui’s hand.
“That’s right! If not for you rushing her, she wouldn’t be wearing so little,” Zhu Ning Li said.
“That’s right! If not for you rushing her, she wouldn’t be wearing so little,” Zhu Ning Li said.
“The car waits for no one,” he replied. “Here, wear it. Chocolate [Zhu Ku Li] can return to me later.”
“You’re calling me Chocolate again!” Zhu Ning Li shook her fist at him.
“Who told you to have that name?” he teased, pulling up his hoodie. “I’m going ahead. You all enjoy yourselves.”
“Then how do we go back?”
Zhang Yuan grinned. “I only promised to take you here. I never said I will take you back.”
“You!” Zhu Ning Li got angry.
“There’s no use for me to be here and I don’t drive.” He shrugged. “You all have to take a cab back anyway. It’ll be more comfortable without me.”
The next day, Zhang Wei Rui waited for Zhu Ning Li outside her class. The people inside were almost gone but she was still dragging her feet. “Where’s your monitor?” she asked. “I want to return the scarf to him.”
“Giving it to me is the same. I’m also the monitor.” Zhu Ning Li grabbed the paper bag from her hand and inspected it. “Oh, you’ve washed it all clean and silky.”
“Of course.”
“Stop looking for him. He’s not around,” Zhu Ning Li said. “He’s a master fugitive, he rarely attends classes. Whether he’s really studying on his own in the dorm or wandering outside to play, who really knows?”
“Then how did he get picked to be the monitor?”
“His grade is highest in class. He scored 643, just shy of Tsinghua’s 645 mark. Great, isn’t he.”
“Wow, awesome!” Zhang Wei Rui was surprised at his unexpected side. “Just two points difference from Tsinghua’s acceptance mark. What an idol!”
Zhu Ning Li frowned. “You’re being boy-crazed. I can introduce you to any guy in the class, but this guy is off limits.”
“Why? You called dibs?”
“Go to hell!” To think she only had good intentions to warn her. “He has a girlfriend in Beijing. During the last break, he stood on the train for 18 hours to see her.”
“Alas.” Zhang Wei Rui sighed deeply. “It’s true that people say all good men are taken.”
“So quick to assume he’s a good man? How naive.” Zhu Ning Li laughed.
“What naive? I never said I fell for him at first sight.” Zhang Wei Rui stuck out her tongue. Smiling, she added, “It’s good just to have a brother like him. We’re both surnamed Zhang anyway.”
“Please, your surnames are written differently.”
“Ha, it’s all the same in English anyway.” Zhang Wei Run grinned, eyes narrowed.
*
The campus was organising an autumn/winter sports meet soon and required at least two women participating from each department. He Luo signed up for it and, during Children’s Day on the weekend, went running at the venue. When she returned to the campus, someone called her name while knocking on his lunchbox. “Why are you wearing like an athlete?” It was Shen Lie.
“I went for a run to familiarise myself with the venue.”
“Well, most girls have no sense of direction.” Shen Lie grinned.
“I’m not like most girls. I’m worse,” He Luo replied. “Ah, as a captain, how dare you dampen a participant’s spirits? I’ll punish you by making you take us all out for dinner.”
“Isn’t it just a meal? Let’s go.” Shen Lie waved. “Rice at the canteen, eat whatever you like and as much as you like as my apologies.”
He Luo smiled, shaking her head. She was standing in front of the dorm building, picking up letters for her room and neighbouring ones. Zhang Yuan’s letter was also there, as usual. When she turned it over, she saw the drawing of a piglet at the seal, its big nose accounting for more 50% of its head. Next to it, written in small letters, were the words “Would you kiss me?”
He Luo wasn’t sure to laugh or cry. So far, she had received drawings of a bucktoothed mouse, Indian feathers, Doraemon… every flick of the pen was vivid and refined. Once, Zhou Xing Yan intercepted the letter and became overjoyed. She circled He Luo and then hugged her neck, asking, “Shall we kiss?” She laughed. “Did you not kiss enough during the break or did you deny him? No wonder our poor boy has to ask for a kiss across a thousand kilometres.”
A blushing He Luo called Zhang Yuan to complain. He laughed and said, “They’re just jealous of you for having such a multi-talented boyfriend.” Since then, he kept sending these drawings.
She will just kiss a pig then, so what? She still couldn’t resist placing her lips on the seal. The familiar scent of the craft paper drifted into her nose, carrying with it a hint of the cold in the north.
Her plan was to take a nap after reading the letter. She untied the bed curtains, leaving only a gap where sunshine peek through, spilling on the snowflake-printed stationery. She can’t help but smile as she traced her fingers across the familiar writing. It was as if he was here with her.
However, her expression became strained after reading the letter. She tied the curtains and climbed down her bunk bed. She sat at the table and, for a long moment, daydreamed.
*
Tian Xin was surprised to see He Luo just as she was about to take a shower. “What’s wrong? Did anything happen?”
“Nothing. I’m here to see you, is that wrong?” He Luo shook the roasted chestnuts she bought. It rustled inside the paper bag.
“Yeah, right. Didn’t we just go see meteor shower together two days ago?” Tian Xin pursed her lips. “I’m not your Zhang Yuan. Would you miss me that much?”
He Luo had ran an entire morning and was only now following Tian Xin to go and take a shower. Due to the cold wind, she had already caught a mild fever. But what made her depressed and melancholic was remembering Zhang Yuan’s explanation as to why he didn’t call back that night.
“Am I too narrow-minded?” He Luo placed the milk she bought on her way here on the heater and sits down. She began peeling the chestnuts. Tian Xin was concentrating on putting her mask and murmured for her to continue.
“Zhang Yuan said there’s a girl who calls him her brother. He didn’t agree but she insists on calling him brother every time they meet. He doesn’t know how to respond.”
“En, en, en…” Tian Xin made a string of strange noises.
Guessing what her friend was going to say, she replied, “Are you saying I did that to myself? It’s true I told him it’s not easy to attend university and told him to stop going against the female monitor. But that’s because I think he’s been a lot quieter since the college entrance examination and I don’t want him to shut himself in his world. I didn’t ask him to be someone’s elder brother or second brother.”
He Luo’s mouth was dry after speaking so many words in one go. She took one of Tian Xin’s oranges and began peeling it. No matter how Tian Xin urged for her to continue, she persistently ate the orange without intention to elaborate. An impatient Tian Xin ran to the bathroom to wash off the mask. When she returned, there were still traces of green mud on her face. “Are you crazy? You told him to develop a good relationship with the girls in his class and this is how good they’ve become! It’d be just nice to have no girls pestering him. Ha, aren’t you regretting now?”
“It’s important to have unity in class but that girl…”
“That’s not surprising. Even though he has a girlfriend but since they can’t see it, they’ll just pretend he doesn’t have one,” Tian Xin replied. “In all fairness, even though he’s sometimes arrogant and too talkative, he’s a good classmate. His looks are also good. After you transferred, you two began to have an ambiguous relationship so the other girls naturally gave up. But did you forget about Zheng Qing Yin…”
“But Zhang Yuan rejected her,” He Luo intercepted.
“Zhang Yuan rejected to be her boyfriend but he never said anything about rejecting to be her friend,” Tian Xin said. “These innocent girls are especially dangerous because they’re fearless. I suggest you nip any potential trouble in the bud.”
“I believe in Zhang Yuan.” He Luo lowered her head.
“You say you believe in him, but you still came all the way here to talk to me.” Tian Xin smiled. “You’re thinking that the person who should be by his side everyday is you. Now that position has been taken by someone else. Even if it’s not Zhang Yuan’s initiative and it’s someone else pestering him, your heart must be uneasy…”
“You’re really the worm in my belly.” He Luo sighed. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she hugged her legs. “We made a lot of memories together but when he really needs someone to support him, I’m not there for him. In my heart, it’s… ah, how should I put it? When I think about it, I feel distressed but I don’t dare to tell him. I worry he’ll be even more upset than I am…”
Tian Xin nodded. “You look so weak and pitiful, so unlike the He Luo I know.”
“What should I look like?”
“Strong, independent, and assertive,” Tian Xin answered. “When you said you want to be a diplomat, I thought you might as well be the second Wu Yi.”
“I don’t have a life plan at all…” He Luo said. “I just want to finish the tasks at hand. As for later, my future is…”
“Be a good wife and wise mother?” Tian Xin giggled. “Zhang Yuan, oh Zhang Yuan, he has killed the country’s second Wu Yi.”
“I also hate me like this, hesitant and uncertain. When it comes to Zhang Yuan, I have so many fears and concerns.”
“That’s right.” Tian Xin sighed. “This is how a girl in love should be like. I like you like this.”
“I really like you too.” He Luo smiled.
“I can’t compete with Zhang Yuan.” Tian Xin shook her head. “Later on, get him to apply to your university’s graduate school. Then you can be together everyday. Just look at the students coming from all corners of the country. As long as he prepares well for the test, he’ll have no problem.”
“Ah, then I’ll go back and check if there are any relevant enrollment information.” He Luo nodded and got up. “I’m going to go put up a notice asking for past postgraduate examination papers.”
“Hey, you don’t have to worry about that now.” Tian Xin held onto her. With a grin, she said, “Do me a favour.” She takes out a piece of paper. “Help me rewrite something.”
“What is this?” He Luo stretched her hand to get it.
“Ay, keep it a secret!” Tian Xin hid the paper behind her. “Promise not to laugh.”
“I’ll keep it a secret, I promise!” He Luo was anxious to find out.
“Tadah! It’s my, Tian Xin’s, first time in 18 years…” Still unsatisfied with the privacy of the room, Tian Xin ran to lock the door,” ...my love letter.”
“Ah…” He Luo cried, “Why should I be the one to write it?”
“He knows my handwriting. I’m too embarrassed. You’re my closest friend and most trusted person.”
“Who told me that if you love someone, you should daringly shout it out?” He Luo teased. “Where has all your courage and frankness gone?”
“Are you writing or not?”
“Okay, okay.” He Luo took the paper and read it all as she giggled. “Your literary talent is so amazing I decided to memorise them.” She shoved the paper back to Tian Xin. “Do you still have any sincerity left? Even if you want to disguise your handwriting, you shouldn’t get someone else to write these kind of things for you!”
“Then why didn’t you say so earlier?” Tian Xin cried.
“If I told you earlier, would you have shown me?” He Luo giggled. Her mood had infinitely improved for the better.
[illustration by Jiwoon Pak]
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