Since I cannot keep up with you, I’ll just say I lost my way
―Gigi Leung (“Bumps”)
*
When she saw He Luo’s ring, Tian Xin asked, “Is it sterling silver? It looks very elegant.”
“Platinum.”
“Platinum?”
“Yes, platinum.” He Luo rubbed the ring on her finger, showing the Pt950 carving inside. Tian Xin’s mouth formed an o-shape and, a couple days later, called her excitedly: “I read in the newspaper today that platinum is even more expensive than sterling silver! Did your family’s Zhang Yuan hit the lottery?”
“I don’t know either.” He Luo sighed. “He said he and a few friends are helping their classmates to program their computers and charging for it.” Tian Xin gaped, “How hard did he had to work to afford such a ring?!” She then giggled. “Perhaps you are about to become a rich madam already? Classmate Zhang actually has some fortune, hehe.”
He Luo grumbled, “Honestly, I don’t know what he’s busying about or how much energy he’s putting into his work. I don’t care if he buys me any expensive gifts, or spending how much energy to chat with me. I hope he can look that much more further into the future and plan for our future together.”
“You already have a ring and you’re still worried there’s no future? You’re obviously trying to make me feel bad,” Tian Xin huffed. “Besides, you gave him the Swiss army knife and he’s returning your favour. If he doesn’t give you something more expensive, won’t he be wronging you?”
“Ah, why should we care about that between us?” He Luo said.
“Well, Zhang Yuan doesn’t think that way,” Tian Xin laughed. “It’s men’s pride.”
He Luo felt like there was a need to clear things up with Zhang Yuan for once and for all. She waited for Zhang Yuan at the bus terminal, under the dazzling July sunshine. It had not rained for a long while and the poplar trees had not welcomed any wind lately. Even the lush-green leaves were curling a little. Every time they approached summer, Zhang Yuan’s skin would turn a wheat colour. He had just cut his hair and was waving at her from across the street. His smile was bright and brilliant, revealing a row of neat, white teeth.
The two of them went to the amusement park. The park was fairly empty because some attractions were under renovation. The staff there recommended them trying the old-fashioned, open Ferris wheel with wooden chairs, saying, “It’ll be removed next month. In the future a new one with closed compartments will be installed. It’s a pity not to try it.”
“There’s no cover at all. The sun is too bright for this.” Zhang Yuan glanced at He Luo. “Hey, do you want to have the same skin colour as mine?”
“It doesn’t matter. In a few days I’ll have to go for military training and there’s the National Day parade coming up too. I can’t escape a sunburn,” she replied.
“Don’t hesitate any longer. I’ll just sell you two tickets for the price of one. Isn’t that good enough?” The staff further tempted them, “You’ll get a really clear view of the river.”
The Ferris wheel creaked as it turned and the dark wooden chairs felt warm to touch after an entire day of sunshine. They rose further and further, the fierce wind pulled at them and dissipated the warmth around them.
He Luo asked, “Are you still busy lately? I remember you once told me you had a very important thing going on. What was it?”
“You’re still thinking about that?” Zhang Yuan laughed. “Looks like I have to come clean.”
After going round and round, the Ferris wheel came to a full circle. The horizon went up and down.
*
He Luo opened the refrigerator, took out the ice tray, and knocked a few cubes into her light blue, dolphin-printed plastic cup. The second she poured Coke into the cup, it fizzled and the bubbles threatened to splash out of the cup. Carrying the cup, she tiptoed back to her room. It was close to midnight. Unable to sleep, she stepped on the bedside table and climbed onto the windowsill to sit there. Past the lush greenery, she could see the small flying insects buzzing underneath the dim streetlights. In the corner of the street was the distant shine of the spotlights, dying the dark blue sky grey.
He Luo didn’t particularly like Coke but she liked taking a huge gulp of it, feeling the bursting of the small bubbles in her mouth as they crackled and jumped. It was an indescribable kind of joy, similar to how she felt when she was with Zhang Yuan: every second was refreshing. He was ultimately still the most perfect person in her heart, with his tall stature, tanned skin, deep voice. No matter how many times she walked by his side, she never wanted the road to end.
Yet, after the bubbles dissipated, the saccharin taste of artificial sweetness lingered, leaving no room for any good memories.
As a university student, in He Luo’s opinion, education should be priority. He Luo thought perhaps her line of thinking was stubborn and stereotypical. However, this was what she firmly believed. She didn’t want Zhang Yuan to regret having wasted his precious youth in another two, three years. Of course, perhaps he didn’t think that way. When he brought up Fu Peng, his eyes shone with unconcealed admiration and envy.
Fu Peng was a graduate student of a local prestigious university. Two years ago, he participated in the building of the university’s intranet. He had even written operating management systems for a number of organisations. Before he had even graduated, he was already offered a job with the annual salary of 200,000 yuan. In Zhang Yuan’s own words, his software engineering talent was enough to shame a large number of Zhang Yuan’s professors.
In the beginning of the semester, Zhang Yuan ran into Fu Peng often while running back and forth between his campus and the computer city. As they met more and more often, they clicked and became close. Zhang Yuan was open-minded and his thinking was abstract. It reminded Fu Peng of his younger self. When he proposed that Zhang Yuan learn from him, Zhang Yuan agreed without a second thought.
This was the first time He Luo saw Zhang Yuan respected a person this much. His eyes even shone when he talked about Fu Peng. She felt relieved when she saw Zhang Yuan regained his former confident and determined self. He Luo liked the ambitious Zhang Yuan who had his dreams, yet she still hoped that he would work hard with his feet on the ground. She hoped he would realise a realistic, sensible dream. She worried that, as smart and proud as he was, he would want to achieve a quick success, exchanging his future for monetary gains.
Was that two contradictory? He Luo couldn’t tell. The night turned colder, causing her to sneeze a few times. She decided to write Zhang Yuan a letter.
“How far is reality from an ideal? I can’t tell.” A light green insect flew by her side, as she lowered her head to write. She stopped now and then to think over her words. “It’s just that, no matter how pretty a dream is, after coming face to face with reality it’ll inevitably turn into ash. Perhaps my thinking is old-fashioned and conservative. But whatever you’ve decided to do, I’ll wholeheartedly support you.”
He Luo couldn’t help but shake her head, smiling bitterly. What she had wrote was suitable to be used as material for moral education, or even for submission to an agony aunt. Either way, it was very rigid and stuffy. She didn’t expect that, for a person as free-thinking as she was, she would be so conservative.
She folded the letter and put it inside an envelope. Then she took it back out to add on an extra sentence at the end: “You must remember that I believe in you, the same way I believe in myself.”
He Luo’s feelings felt tangled and complex. She didn’t know what reaction Zhang Yuan would have upon reaching her letter. Perhaps he would be a little touched, or perhaps he would laugh and ignore it, or perhaps complain how she was poking her nose into his affairs.
Thus, as she lived isolated from the outside world in the Da Xing training facility, she kept speculating his response. In the middle of the night, she was on guard duty. She was a little dizzy from all the thinking she has done.
Suddenly, a tall, slender boy walked over. His every move was precise and calculated. He took a sharp turn and stopped in front of He Luo, saluting her.
“Report!” His expression was serious, yet carried a hint of mischievousness. The corners of his lips lifted a few times but it was as if he was using all his concentration not to smile. Finally, with clear determination, he yelled, “Report! I’m a pig, I’m a pig, I’m a pig…”
He Luo burst out laughing before forcing herself to stop. She sticked out her tongue and lowered her voice. “Are you trying to kill me? I’m on guard duty.”
“I know.” Shen Lie helplessly pointed at the boy’s camp. “Who told me to lose at poker.”
“You guys don’t sleep at night and play poker instead. If the instructor notices, you’ll all be dead.”
“We’ll be gathering in a moment anyway, didn’t you also join the National Day parade rehearsal?” Shen Lie said. “You have never visited Chang An’s night streets, have you? You can even walk right in the middle of the roads.”
He Luo replied, “Right, right. And there’ll even be tanks leading the way, planes flying above us. Of course I want to go. I wanted to go so bad I can’t sleep well. So I might as well stand guard here for now. You’re now intruding the girl’s camp territory, hurry up and go back.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll go back now,” he said. “But you’re not thanking me? You haven’t laughed this hard in awhile.”
“Ah, is it?” she said. “Even if it’s true, we’re at the training facility, we can’t laugh and joke around.”
Perhaps she really had not laughed out loud in a long time. Every single day, she had to face a non-smiling, stern-faced instructor, had to train under the hot sun, had to run and roll across a muddy field, and had only two, three opportunities to wash up in the twenty-something days of their training. However, this kind of life was innocent and pure, so she was happy. After they ate dinner and cleaned up, the group of girls gathered and began chattering, discussing which instructor was cute or which was manly.
Cai Man Xin said, “Our instructor would blush as soon as he spoke, he’s particularly refreshing.” She was the kind who would not tan no matter how much time she spent under the sun. Standing in a middle of dark-skinned girls, she was particularly blinding.
“What kind of sunscreen are you using? Recommend it to us,” Ye Zhi asked.
“I actually wanted to get tanner. If I’m too fair, I might get skin cancer,” she replied honestly.
“A full man doesn’t understand the urgency of a hungry man,” Ye Zhi retorted. “Look all us sunburned girls here. When we stand guard at night, you can only see our uniform floating in the darkness.”
Tong Jia Ying burst out laughing.
Ye Zhi said, “What are you laughing about? You’re the only one who thinks it’s a joke.” She mimicked the stern tone of their instructor, but after awhile, she herself laughed. “Hey, hey, let’s give our monitor a Western nickname, alright? Julia White [Zhu Li Ya Bai], that’s how he pronounced it.”
Everyone collapsed with laughter.
Cai Man Xin said, “Guys, look. I came over to chat with He Luo but she totally ignored me and spent the whole time staring at the sky. No matter what we said, she couldn’t take it in at all.”
Zhou Xin Yan laughed. “This woman is always daydreaming these days. I’m guessing she’s missing her little love. This godforsaken place doesn’t even have that many phone booths and we’re only restricted to thirty minutes of free time everyday, even more accurate than the a news broadcast. Maybe she couldn’t stand it.”
He Luo was indeed staring at the soft clouds gathered in the sky. She returned to her senses and said, “Who said I’m daydreaming? You’re all like a bunch of sparrows, I can’t even put a word in.”
“You’re obviously thinking of a certain someone and you still want to deny it,” Cai Man Xin said. “When will this bloody army training end?” She began mimicking Jeff Chang’s tone, sorrowfully sang, “We can no longer return to those days, right?”
The group of people yelled, “Not right, not right!”
He Luo laughed with the rest of the girls. She liked army training. Surrounded by laughter, her mind was peaceful and calm. The youthful voices of the girls around her reminded her that this was her life right now. How happy, how lovely it was. Why was she so persistently thinking about the past and the future, until her heart ached and she was unhappy?
*
The anniversary of the founding of the republic was approaching, so the rehearsal of the parade was arranged to start at midnight. The school had arranged several buses to transport the participating students to somewhere nearby the square, where they queued. He Luo and Shen Lie was chatting about her instructor’s Henan accent. Shen Lie said, “My instructor was from Fu Jian, his Southern Min accent is even more difficult to understand. He spoke a lot but it was just like chirping to us.”
He Luo asked, “What did your monitor said to leave such a deep impression?”
Shen Lie cleared his throat, and said in a southern accent, “Everyone take notice, tonight, we’re eating chicken thighs!”
Laughing, He Luo nudged him. “You only know how to eat. If some day our faculty offers free watermelon, you’ll eat the thing whole. If a person eats two slices, you’ll eat three more.”
He laughed. “If I can’t eat, I’d rather die.” Shen Lie made a few wild motions to make his point.
The moving electronic screens floated across, carrying a dizzying mix of colour and light. One vehicle followed another as they moved out of the intersection, passing an awed crowd. A peng sound shook and a brilliant firework exploded in the night sky. The sound grew louder and louder as more fireworks lit the sky overhead. A magnanimous yellow, sapphire blue, burgundy, cherry red ―the colours were like delicate embroidery on dark satin.
The leftover smoke took a long while to disperse, as if pulling clouds over one’s eyes.
Underneath the fireworks, everyone were happily cheering and looking up. It was as if a handful of stars were falling. Youth, along with the fireworks, dispersed in that short moment of glory. They can only blame the too-gentle, beautiful night sky, for tempting them in that moment to take up the commitment of a lifetime.
It was all the fault of the fireworks.
The young people who would exchange flirtatious glances in daytime, can hide their embarrassment under the cover of such a romantic moment. He Luo didn’t know how many more young people has taken courage from this night but in that moment where she looked up, the hand she had let fall was being lightly held.
He Luo was familiar with such a sight, yet it was not the same person from her memories. That cold winter night, the passing streetlights as they stood in the bus, those surpassed tonight’s fireworks by miles and miles.
Silence. It was as if they were imprisoned in a transparent cage. The excitement of the crowd was surging yet it was like the two of them existed on a different plane, their breaths loud enough to be embarrassing.
What should she say? The boy beside her didn’t confess her, how could she say, “Sorry, in my heart there’s only him alone.” He Luo pondered over her words but she pulled her hand away without a shred of hesitation.
He was briefly stunned, his hand was still frozen in that moment, fingers curled up around what was formerly He Luo’s hand. And then he held onto He Luo’s arm, his voice excited as he said, “Hey, don’t just spend all day staring at the fireworks. Look to your front, there are even long-range missiles!” He let go, pointing here and there as he explained about the model of the missiles.
He Luo was relieved that he didn’t say anything romantic or passionate.
*
After hearing about the incident, Tian Xin’s smile was a little mysterious. “That Zhang someone should be experiencing some sense of danger. Shen Lie is a pretty good catch.” He Luo interrupted, “It’s just that the night was too amazing, we’re all too excited. Boys get overexcited at the sight of the armory and become nonsensical. He’s just desperate to show off their knowledge and forgot the propriety between men and women.
Tian Xin raised an eyebrow. “Oh, is it? Can you say for sure that Shen Lie has totally no other intentions? It’s just that his set of tricks are a bit old. When it comes to being [showing off] handsome or romantic, who can surpass Classmate Zhang? In the past, your family’s Zhang Yuan also did not lack these skills when it comes to you. He was so ambiguous, like a cat playing with a mouse, making it so your heart would itch and long for him.”
“If you want to be romantic, you have to see who the other person is,” He Luo said. “Stop joking around with me.”
Tian Xin giggled. “I’m trying to help you see through the other person’s heart. Holding your hand this time is a kind of impulse, how about the next? Without even knowing it, you’ll end up getting trapped in complicated love games. When it comes to that, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Why do I find those words so familiar? I think I’ve once said to you.” He Luo laughed. “Who’s the one who fell in love after just holding hands once, and spent all day writing love letters sealed with a kiss? You’ve really suffered a fair bit.”
Tian Xin didn’t refute, only loudly complaining, “Exactly. I’ve been sitting there writing so much my ass is growing callousess.”
“You’re really so inelegant,” He Luo teased. “I’m keeping an eye on your development. If there’s any progress, you must report it to me.”
“You also have to update me. Even if I’m going home, I’m also keeping my eye on your progress in Beijing.” Tian Xin mysteriously said, “A certain someone came over during break last year and earned He Luo’s first kiss [in English]. What about this time? Are there any upgrades?” For instance, those kind… Where is he staying this time? Since he’s earning so much from his part-time job, it must at least be a three-star hotel.”
“We’re still borrowing Shen Lie’s bed.”
“You’re so cruel!” Tian Xin cried. “He Luo, oh He Luo, you’re not only killing Classmate Zhang’s fantasy, you’re also hurting Classmate Shen’s feelings!”
By the time He Luo phoned Zhang Yuan, she had already borrowed Shen Lie’s bed. But she would be away for the National Day parade and will only be back in the afternoon. Zhang Yuan said, “Why don’t I rush over as soon as I get off the train? It’s quite near from the station. Can you smuggle me in?”
“While still holding your luggage?” He Luo laughed. “You’re not worried of being called a terrorist?”
“How is that possible? I’ll tie a slogan to my luggage,” Zhang Yuan said. “The moment they open it, they’ll be moved to hot, gushing tears and then…”
“And then they’ll send you to Beijing mental hospital,” she giggled. “Don’t bring so many things this time, it’ll look strange.”
“I’m a labour, and I don’t have anyone to care for me.” Zhang Yuan made an exaggerated sigh.
“Who said so? Of course there’ll be someone caring for you.” He Luo paused. “Your mom.”
*
Before the sun was even up, sleepy Chang An were awaken by the parade participants running across the streets. Everyone was out of breath. A panting Shen Lie complained, “Is this an evacuation drill? Or an air defense demonstration?” None of them had even the energy to laugh.
When He Luo returned to her room, she asked, “Did Zhang Yuan give me a call? Has he reached the campus?”
“He did call…” Ye Zhi was hesitant. “He said he’s not coming.”
“What?” He Luo doubted her own ears.
“I also wondered whether Tong Jia Ting this muddlehead heard wrongly.”
“Hey, don’t put the blame on me,” Tong Jia Ying protested. “Even if I’m sometimes confused, but I can at least understand and remember those simple words.”
“Maybe he’s only joking and is trying to give He Luo a surprise,” Ye Zhi said. “Did he use a very serious or kidding tone? You can’t even tell.”
As they talked, the phone rang.
Zhang Yuan asked, “You’re back? I saw on TV that the students section are the most chaotic.”
She replied, “It’s to be expected. Everyone rushed towards the platform and even then I knew we’ve gone off course.” She then asked, “Where are you now?”
“Home,” Zhang Yuan answered. “Earlier I’ve told your roommate that something urgent came up and I can’t leave.”
“You’re still playing around,” she said. “Are you outside the building? I’ll go pick you up. Shen Lie is still waiting to take you to his room.”
“I’m not playing around,” he said. “If you don’t believe me, you can call my house number. I’m really at home.”
When Shen Lie rushed to the boy’s dorm, he saw He Luo carrying a luggage with a particularly stiff steely face at the entrance. “Why isn’t Zhang Yuan coming?” he asked.
“How would I know?” He Luo frowned. She didn’t have the patience to explain. Earlier she asked Zhang Yuan, “Why is it so sudden? Did something happen… is everything okay?”
“You’re overthinking,” he said. “Fu Peng needed my help urgently.”
“Why can’t it wait a few days? The entire country is on holiday now, what did he need help with that is so urgent?” He Luo complained. “Even if there’s a change to the plan, you should’ve told me earlier. What exactly is so urgent?”
“Some chores,” he said. “It’s a long story. If there’s an opportunity, I’ll explain.”
“No need,” He Luo said coolly. “You won’t tell me everything from A to Z anyway. Every time you’d say it’s a long story.”
She was genuinely irritated but she still couldn’t help but ask Shen Lie for a favour, to see if he would be able to buy an evening train ticket. “Mission impossible! Did you think the railway company is my family’s business?” he cried. Even so, he still called home to ask. The result was that even though the tickets were sold out, but He Luo can sit in the crew compartment for the night train. Taking only her wallet, student pass, and a few pieces of clothing, she paced in front of the dorm, trying to hide out of view. The more she thought, the more her head hurt. When she finally saw Shen Lie, she lost her temper at him, complaining his lateness. She even raised her voice several octaves.
“Don’t I have to wait for the other person’s confirmation?” Shen Lie explained.
He Luo was suddenly aware that she lost her temper on the wrong target and apologised. “Ah, I’m sorry. You’ve been helping me so much yet I’m still losing my temper on you.”
“It’s okay to release your pent-up feelings now,” he said. “When you go back, ask Zhang Yuan calmly. He cares for you so much. Maybe he has some kind of problem.”
She nodded. The two rushed to the train station in a taxi and managed to get on five minutes before it departed. “I’m leaving. Be careful on your journey,” Shen Lie said, winking at her. “Don’t worry about your meal. You get free dinner so prepare your stomach to eat!” He had been carrying her luggage and running all this while. His forehead was drenched with sweat that sparkled in the light. In her heart, He Luo was both touched and apologetic.
Maybe he has some kind of problem. He Luo remembered Shen Lie’s words. Zhang Yuan’s face was gloomy. Since he didn’t say much, she didn’t dare to ask much. Her worry and concern were both leaping from her throat, threatening her words to spill. The city has just newly repaired a wooden church built in the last century, outside it were dancing Russian girls in their puffy skirts. The accordionist was playing cheerful Russian pokka.
He Luo wanted him to be dyed with some of the happiness in the square. She said, “Let’s go over and take a look.”
“Forget it. I don’t like noisy places.” His tone was moody and tired.
She suggested, “Then let’s go to the riverside, okay? It’s quieter at the new pedestrian bridge.”
Zhang Yuan didn’t want to go either. Under the dark trees, there was nowhere for him to hide from the topic he didn’t want to discuss. Lately he had been busy out of his mind. On the 30th when he was packing for his Beijing trip, he heard a rumour that Fu Peng was detained at the public safety bureau for creating trouble while drunk. He was detained, fined, and his university was informed. Not one punishment was missed. When Zhang Yuan asked further, it turned out that a company registered Fu Peng’s invention as their patent and even accused him of plagiarism. In a fit of anger, Fu Peng smashed the glass wall of the company’s office, even smashing the head of the project manager who had come to stop him. The manager suffered seven stitches in his head.
Who at the public security bureau knew or cared which radish [person] he was? A helpless Zhang Yuan can only say, “You should be glad that I’m at least a homegrown, homebred radish.”
“They’re all looking out for one another. I’m really disappointed,” Fu Peng said. “No, I’m disheartened. I’ve decided to study my doctorate in America. Kindness between humans, that’s the most Chinese quality, yet the only kindness growing here is nepotism.”
Zhang Yuan tried to persuade him to stay. “That’s because the Chinese students in America don’t know anyone there. Of course they’ll feel it’s a country where they can start from the ground but in truth it’ll be harder to live there.”
“Then just think of me as being as ostrich. I don’t want to fight with these people anymore. It just so happens that there’s a research centre in America that has just invited me to join them,” he said. “Little brother, I’ll convince them to let you join.”
“I won’t give up easily,” Zhang Yuan said. “I think there are even more opportunities in our country. We can’t just let these people win so easily. I want to prove to them that we’re not this easily stepped on.”
But all this Zhang Yuan didn’t want to tell He Luo. Even if he told He Luo, it wouldn’t change anything. It would only worry her further. Can she not ask anything? He only wanted to sit beside He Luo, holding tightly onto her hand, as if he was holding onto the hope of an entire world.
*
They rented a two-seater bicycle, with He Luo helming. In just awhile, she complained it was difficult to control the bicycle and wanted to be lazy in the back. Zhang Yuan said, “You’re really someone who gives up easily, like a child.” When they made it down a low slope, they gently glided down where a gold avenue(?) has appeared at the end of the path.
“Stop, stop,” He Luo cried. “Look, look at that sunshine.” She pointed at row of white birch on the side of the path that hid a small wooden building with a dark green roof and light yellow walls. Sunlight spilled on the wall, creating a diamond-shaped window of light, illuminating tens of millions of dust particles.
“Dindal light phenomenon, what’s there to be surprised about.”
“What Dindal?”
“Light path,” he said. “You’re really forgetful. We learned that in high school.”
“After the entrance exam, I’ve forgotten everything cleanly.”
“It’s a part of your education,” he said. “If you blindly absorb information, no matter how good your score is, you’ll still be naive as a person.”
“Why are we talking about this again? It’s just a difference in thinking, nothing to do with education.” He Luo eased the tension in her shoulders. After considering for awhile, she couldn’t hold her tongue and asked, “Actually, you’re being influenced by Fu Peng. Answer me seriously. Is it that you don’t want to go for graduate school and work directly instead? That’s also good. If you study again after working, you’ll at least know what part you’re lacking in and need further improvement on. Big companies have a lot of training opportunities anyway.”
“Yes. I want to work.” Zhang Yuan stopped the bicycle by the path, walked towards the grassy land near the river, and sat there. “But I want to go my own way, like what Fu Peng is doing. He has shared his experience and expertise with me, I can prevent a lot mishaps that way.”
“Don’t think that entrepreneurship is that easy,” she said. “You think you have the skills, but you don’t have connections. When my dad changed his job from an academician to a businessman, he also had to rely on the connections he built earlier. You don’t have all these.”
He replied, “Yes. This is our country’s drawback. That’s why some people refuse to come back after going to America.”
“It’s the same in America. Where there is people, there will be people politics.” He Luo frowned. “And have you heard? Their creed is winner takes all. Sympathising the weak is only the beauty of our Chinese nation.” She worried about Zhang Yuan’s stubbornness, so she couldn’t help her rather strict tone. To Zhang Yuan, every word he was hearing was just preaching. It was as if he had become a naive, ignorant young boy.
He was quiet. He Luo, oh He Luo, you always looked at the world with such crystal clear eyes, yet why do you doubt my perception of my future and career? Don’t tell me all these. My thoughts and yours are no different.
He Luo gave the example of her relative’s failure. As she talked, Zhang Yuan only listened. He Luo stomped her feet. “I’ve already said so much. Why are you not saying a word?”
Zhang Yuan glanced at her. “Oh, are you thirsty? Why don’t I buy you a bottle of water?”
“Every time we talk about this, you’d avoid answering.” He Luo was angry. “There are a lot of things on your mind that you refuse to tell me.”
“Aren’t you too tired from talking so much? Can we just sit here quietly for awhile?” Zhang Yuan said. “I’m just really tired. Really.” He closed his eyes and laid there, opening his arms and legs like a snow angel. The surrounding grass had already yellowed. The breeze swept the flowers by the river, and they went up and down, like golden waves.
He Luo was very tired. All this time she pretended to be happy, pretended to be innocent, pretended not to care and not to ask. She was really exhausted physically and mentally. She was also quiet as she sat on the grass. She stared at Zhang Yuan, his straight nose, his pouty lips. She gingerly placed her head on his chest, listening to his strong heartbeat. He didn’t move at all. He didn’t close his eyes, like he would after stewing in frustration, faintly smile, and stretch his long finger to hook the hem of her shirt. This time he didn’t do it at all.
She lifted her head. The wind had gotten stronger, even the clouds were flying past quickly. In autumn, the northern sky was so high up, so blue and so lonely. The two of them underneath such a sky was immeasurably small.
“Let’s go fly a kite next spring, okay?” She wanted to break the silence.
“En.” A mellow, tired sound.
“What ‘en’? Is that okay or not?”
“En. So sleepy.” He had not slept well the past two days. Beside her, he could finally relax.
Then she would consider him as having accepted her invitation. Spring was still far away, and future was even more so. She doesn’t need an answer this quickly.
Everything will naturally fall into their place, like the southern grassland and northern wind will always meet in the winter of each year.
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